Two key, socio-geo-political questions dominated Milan Fashion Week . Firstly, can the Italians turn the tables on the Chinese, who have been steadily encroaching on their once inviolable manufacturing turf? Secondly, will our bums look big in those Roaring Twenties dresses?
Dealing with them in order of importance, the answer is yes. I'm afraid I don't see any way round it. Dropped-waist shifts are, in every sense, a straight line to a vast backside.
But maybe we're approaching this from the wrong angle. Perhaps it's not so much that a flapper bottom is huge, but that we've become conditioned to looking at strangulated buttocks in thrombosis-inducingly tight trousers. This shift in emphasis away from exaggerated breasts, exposed thighs and impossible-to-attain Jessica Rabbit waists, towards toned arms and something more modest in terms of length and necklines may well be a positive development.
Top trends from Milan Fashion Week What is spooky is the way designers seem to have intuitively turned to the silhouettes that prevailed during the Great Depression. Either they know something truly alarming about the economy or they've all be slaving over hot computers looking up pictures from Miuccia Prada's collection last February, where the Jazz Age had its first outing. She came up with another blockbuster this time - and there wasn't a Twenties reference in sight.
As for reclaiming manufacturing already ceded to China, that may be a lost cause. But Italians are not giving up without a battle. Next season's clothes are some of the most intricately crafted and opulent in a long while. Beaded, plaited, woven, raffia-trimmed and richly printed in a sophisticated mix of colours, they won't be easy to replicate in a factory in Beijing. They will be in demand in Beijing, however - and anywhere else in China where new millionaires abound.The Chinese are not especially bling-prone, but they appreciate fine workmanship, and this week offered plenty.
If the collections sometimes seemed to be panning for Asian customers, that's understandable. Many fashion houses have had a good year financially, albeit almost entirely buoyed up by sales in the Far East.
Same of those profits were ploughed back into the models. There was a mini media kerfuffle last week over Milan's alleged "theft" of top models from London before the latter's fashion week had officially finished. But if Italian designers continue to make the models look as ill, as most of them did, with strange beige make-up and greasy hair, London needn't lose sleep about this.
Bernard Arnault, CEO of LVMH, may well be tossing and turning at night however. He just can't seem to find a replacement for Galliano at Dior. And that is having ramifications in Milan. Will Marc Jacobs be "persuaded" by his boss Arnault, to take the two-edged sword of Dior? Does that signal the start of musical chairs elsewhere? Rumours that Raf Simmons will leave Jil Sander to head to YSL in Paris persisted, despite official denials. If the erratic Stefano Pilati is replaced at YSL, will Armani have him back? Who will run the behemoth of Louis Vuitton? And why is it proving so hard to find designers with the talent and the serenity to head up these giant brands?
The clue's in that final oxymoron. Talent and serenity are about as natural a marriage as sleeveless
Great Gatsby dresses and podgy arms.
Our top ten shows from Milan: Marni 3/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
For all her kookiness, Consuelo Castiglioni was bang on message with her Twenties-style dresses. Even her colours chimed with the vox pop: yellow was the first look out - a flared tunic dress over a longer, sheer underskirt, all the more striking for being bone-plain in a season in which prints are almost mandatory. But Marni couldn't abandon patterns for long. Geometric leather circles, psychedelic flowers, raffia and an African tribal vibe often clashed in one outfit, worn with block-heeled, bi-coloured Mary Janes. (LA)
Alberta Ferretti 3.5/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
Ferretti's body-skimming silk shifts make a positive change from bandage dresses. But are they flattering? I wouldn't put money on Kate Winslet, champion of body con, wearing one. They're beautiful on the catwalk or in The Great Gatsby, but you have to be gamine for this look. But there was more to this collection - curvy jackets and trenches, fishtail, knee-length skirts, sleek tunics - in shades of saffron, cobalt and pea-green. Plenty of white, too. Best of all were the block-coloured knitted dresses, even if they need adapting for real women. (LA)
Prada 4/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
One of her most personal collections in years: below-the-knee, flared skirts, bomber jackets (in embroidered leathers and satins) and chiffon twinsets are how Miuccia likes to dress. It's as prim as Miss Jean Brodie, and it's amazing how many women secretly want to dress like this. Ravishing colour combinations (baby blue with red, aqua with pink) and investment pieces, such as printed chiffon "dresses" that turned out to be matching shirts and skirts. "Much more practical," said Prada. It went down a storm. (LA)
Versus 3/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
Christopher Kane, fresh from his hit show in London, was feeling bold. A basketball court was duly installed in the Versace palace courtyard, and the clothes Kane sent out for this baby-sister-to-Versace collection featured crisp, black basketball court markings on pastel satin minidresses. They were fine. So were the silk jogging pants, but not the transparent aspect. Kane came unstuck with his ribbon-cut skirts and Chinese lantern dresses, but redeemed himself with some masterful digital prints. (LA)
Moschino 3/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
Did Moschino's creative director Rossella Jardini get lost somewhere between Madrid and Marbella? The show began with a postcard from Spain - the 3D kind with real ruffles on the flamenco dancers. Matador pants and bolero jackets followed. But model Arizona Muse popped up in a black stetson and fringed jacket and trousers. Qué? Muse didn't look too thrilled as the other models wore pretty yellow floral prints and drop-yoked, below-the-knee skirts. When Jardini stuck with flounces, slim trousers and perfect little jackets, this was a palpable hit. (LA)
Jil Sander 4/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
Raf Simons is the Cesc Fabregas of fashion design: a prodigious talent fully revealed at a house (Jil Sander) seemingly helpless to stop big-money rivals (the rumour is YSL) buying him up. If the rumour (see below) is right, this will be Simons's penultimate collection for Sander, and it showed just why he is so coveted. Here, he played with a fluorescent paisley so vivid Austin Powers would have thought twice, and put his models in beanie hats fronted by mesh veils. It sounds atrocious - yet those beanies somehow transformed his models into ravishing Fifties debutantes. (Luke Leitch)
Bottega Veneta 4.5/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
"That was so beautiful, I feel weak," said one senior editor at Elle from the front row at this standout Milan show. A royal-purple dress fluttered as it moved, thanks to the finest of pleats. A red, low-necked satin tunic-top rippled with shine above a pair of look-at-them-twice, colour-treated jeans. Most mesmerising were the dresses that arced with strips of multicoloured organza or were dotted with chunky patches of colour. No single silhouette, material or colour defined this show - Tomas Maier's collection had all of the above, plus an enormous amount of technical virtuosity. (LL)
Etro 3.5/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
First Ralph Lauren, then Gucci, and now Etro is dancing the Charleston, too. These were clothes to cut a rug in; drop-waists; boxy skirts; low armholes and volume. For Etro, with its penchant for psychedelia, colours were at first restrained; yet soon the usual ice-cream-counter eye-strainers were reasserted. So why is fashion now schticking on The Great Gatsby and all that? It's likely an acknowledgement that the world teeters upon the edge of a financial precipice. Or maybe it's because drop-waists look great with fringed hems. (LL)
MaxMara 3/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
MaxMara is a brand built on restrained-yet-sophisticated tailoring. For 2012, however, it presented a collection tilted squarely at a young, fashion-led audience. So while there were plenty of trademark company references (tailoring and beige/camel) they were zhooshed up as never before. MaxMara's coats came with elbow-length arms and elasticated cuffs. High-hemmed Lurex or jersey dresses in blocks of beige and bright minty-green incorporated panels of leather almost punkishly bolted together with golden staples and studs. (LL)
Emilio Pucci 3.5/5
Photo: Vladimir Potop
There is so much hype surrounding designer Peter Dundas that if he weren't handsome and Norwegian, you'd want to ignore him. As it is, you probably have to be an ardent fan of gypsy style to relish this collection. It floated, it slipped wantonly off shoulders and hammed it up, à la Carmen. But there was no disguising the gorgeous prints and lush colours. Sure, the prints are from Pucci's vaults, but Dundas re-mixes them with a lightness and poetry that eluded some of his predecessors. (LA)
Jeremiah: Worst: Julianna Margulies at the Emmys. I didn’t know what was going on. It looked like her dressed was leaking, I just didn’t get it and I’ll never understand. It was like ice cubes were coming out of the dress and I didn’t know what to do. I felt uncomfortable; it was like her dress was crying. Worst dressed is hard because style is so personal, but taste isn’t. Sometimes I don’t know what is going on with these people. I’ve never seen the Jersey Shore so I can’t say, but they’re very tan.
