Much Like Religion in General, Pope's Website Remains a Mystery

Apparently, the "Pope2You View" Plug-In Has some Bugs

I'm not religious, but I'm not anti-religious or anything, so I decided to give the Pope's website (Pope2you.net) a look after Il Papa called for a new Christian Army of bloggers on Saturday:

“Who better than a priest, as a man of God,” the Pope said, “can develop and put into practice, by his competence in current digital technology, a pastoral outreach capable of making God concretely present in today’s world and presenting the religious wisdom of the past as a treasure which can inspire our efforts to live in the present with dignity while building a better future?

Unfortunately, the Pope's website has about as much substance and content as a Martha Coakley Facebook page. Maybe my browser is all dicked up, but nothing is working right on this website. That is including the "Piece of Peace" page, which has some graphic of the world that looks like it's from Atari's Pitfall that rotates around spastically when you roll over it with your mouse.

The Catholic Church would be attracting a lot more visitors by posting mash-up videos of the Pope getting tackled or the Pope-mobile riding around set to the Ministry song "Jesus Built my Hotrod".

Stranger Than Fiction: Burglar Gets Whacked with Samurai Sword

File this under the department of What the Fuck, because this real-life tale, combining elements of Revenge of the Nerds with Kill Bill, involves a break-in being foiled by a samurai sword. Apparently, a recently-released convict tried to lunge at a mild-mannered, 20 year-old Johns Hopkins student during a break-in and his hand chopped off. From The Baltimore Sun:

To inflict lethal damage requires some skill, Dibble said.

"To be that confident with it that he would go grab it, he may have been into martial arts," he said. "You would have to hold it with two hands and be confident that you would really know what you were doing."

Mantis Swords, an online outlet based in Westminster, specializes in sharp weapons. "Our swords are ready for cutting," owner Shawn Salafia said.

Remind me not to fuck with that guy.

From the Department of WTF?!?

"Adolf Hitler Good Movie On"

Spotted this strange creation at Bangkok's monstrous JJ market yesterday. I'd like to say this is the first time I've seen Hitler's mug being used in jest on a Thai T-shirt, but that wouldn't be true. I guess I'm lucky to be from a country where sporting Nazi paraphernalia would make you about as popular as an H1N1 outbreak. The only people seriously interested in reviving the Third Reich are uneducated rednecks and Obama's creepy, eugenicist science adviser.

Alcohol Probably Played No Part in This Incident

One doesn't normally think of Cape Cod as a place for drunken buffoonery and shenanigans unless you're part of the Kennedy family. But, one unfortunate chap thought it would be a good idea to punch a police horse in the tookis. From the Cape Cod Times:

Police were busy last night with fourteen arrests, including one of an Orleans man accused of punching a police horse.

Christopher McEnaney, 18, was arrested and charged with assault on a police horse and resisting arrest after he punched a horse from the Plymouth County Sheriff’s Office, one of the mounted patrol horses ridden during town’s raucous July 4 festivities, Provincetown police Sgt. Carrie Lopes said.

McEnaney is accused of punching the horse, Fred, in the animal’s flank at about 10:20 p.m. while the mounted patrol officers were in the area of Ryder Street and Commercial Street, Lopes said.

If Mr. McEnaney were a bit older, maybe he would've heeded the advice from Half-Baked that harming a police horse is considered "Assault on a Police Officer" and not just a hilarious prank to impress fellow members of the Yacht Club.

Happens to the Best of Us: Lawyer Wakes Up in Trash Can

No worries, this shit happens. Even Robert Downey Jr. once passed out in some random kid's bed in Malibu. From Fox News:

A southern Indiana lawyer says he's embarrassed and has apologized for being found asleep headfirst in neighbor's trash can after a night of drinking.

No charges have been filed against Larry Wilder, who is the Jeffersonville City Council's attorney. The council president says she'll call a special meeting next week to discuss Wilder's status with the city.

The Uighur Foreign Exchange Program Cost $200M

The tiny island-nation of Palau, which I am unable to locate on a map at this time, is citing its stance on Human Rights as reason for allowing the transfer of 17 Uighur Gitmo detainees from one tropical climate to another. But Wall Street Journal cites another reason (h/t TCJ):

Months of moral grandstanding and intense diplomacy are finally yielding dividends: President Obama has convinced Palau, a Pacific archipelago and long-standing U.S. ally, to resettle a small group of the least dangerous Guantanamo detainees. All it took was $200 million in foreign aid to a country with 20,000 residents and a GDP of about $164 million.

Headed to Palau are the Uighurs, ethnic Chinese Muslims who were picked up in 2002 near Tora Bora.

Damn! For $200 Million from Uncle Sucker, I would've let these 17 yahoos come hang out in my apartment. I would've even provided complimentary laptops.

Creepy Photography: Why is Mommy's Face Missing?

Thanks to Dillinger for pointing out Joshua Hoffine's "Childhood Fears" photos. Much more of this totally fucked up shit available by clicking on the links, and being a connoisseur of all things creepy, I'm loving it!

Sausage Fest in China Has Huge Unintended Consequences

Sausage Parties May Be Hazardous to your Wallet

It's no secret that China's infamous "one-child policy", which favored the male child-births through the humanitarian procedure of infanticide, resulted in a male-female ratio worse than a RPG gamer convention. Unsurprising to any dude who has ever been immersed in a mostly male profession, lovelorn guys are getting easily ripped off by con-artist ladies. Dowries paid by rural gents in China to the brides family are turning out be a worse investment than GM stock. WSJ reports:

He proposed marriage. She agreed, with one proviso: cai li of 38,000 yuan, or roughly five years' worth of farm income. The Zhous agreed, but took the precaution of running a quick background check. Tang Yunshou, Xin'an's Communist Party secretary, said Ms. Cai's identity and residential papers checked.

Three days later the couple registered their union at the local registrar's office. They posed for studio shots, with the bride in a creamy satin gown, the groom in a tuxedo. In one shot, they wear traditional garb, the bride pretending to light a string of firecrackers. Mr. Zhou mugs a grimace, hands to his ears.

They held the wedding banquet a week later, on Jan. 4, where Mr Zhou's mother formally handed over the dowry -- half of it loans from family members -- to a woman she believed to be Ms. Cai's cousin.

The new bride took up residence with her in-laws, and quickly found favor with her diligent and respectful ways, said Mrs. Zhou. "I treated her better than my own daughter," she said. A red electric scooter, with ribbons on the handles, sits in the living room, a wedding present for Ms. Cai.

Matrimony was catching. Two neighbors sought Ms. Cai out, and asked her to act as matchmaker for their sons. Ms. Cai recommended two girls within a few days. The neighbors each paid 40,000 yuan in cai li.

On Jan. 28, all these brides vanished, leaving the villagers reeling.

If you can't trust the Xin'an Communist Secretary to run a simple background check on your fiancee, who can you trust?!?

I'd suggest to Mr. Zhou to come to Bangkok's seedier areas, where you see hundreds of bored women sitting around waiting for foreign men to spend money on them (yes, the recession seems to have really hit everybody). But that would imply that people actually had the money to travel in our new world-wide, economic malaise.

Real Estate Agent Throws Raging Party At Home Being Sold

(photo credit: From the TSO estate in DC)

This is one way to promote publicity for your real estate agency that doesn't involve chintzy bench ads. From the Daily Mail:

After a heavy drinking session, Joseph Young, 23, collected the keys to the £650,000 house from his office so he and two friends could continue to party.

Once inside, the trainee estate agent and friend Bradley Conway, 23, ripped out door frames and smashed chairs, statues and picture frames. They poured Tipp-Ex fluid over duvets and damaged a vintage car in the garage.

Quick! Someone make this chap a British MP to bring some integrity back to their government.

Bad Religion Predicted the Murder of Tiller in 1990

Hilzoy has some stuff on Operation Rescue, the pro-life group that may be wrapped up in the terrorist murder of Dr. George Tiller. And yes this could be classified as "terrorism" (heinous violence to create a desired political effect). Bad Religion actually had a song called Operation Rescue from their legendary 1990 album "Against the Grain" that has some bizarre symbolism today:

life ever-after is what they're in business for,
see them brandish the key to their kingdoms door,
it's persuasive, it's a part of you and me
but it's not overwhelming as they wish it to be,
if no one believed in fairy tales
there would be nothing they could do but
yet everywhere we look someone is trying to reassure our
moral benevolence
as a people,
operation rescue . . .
you may wonder where they come from,
but I just wonder what compels them all.

Creepy!

More:Dondero and TAH point out that opportunistic bloggers are saying this act is typical of the right-wing. Pretty low class.

Chinese Bureaunerds Shut Down Sex-Themed Park

Since China is coming up on its 20-year anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre, it should heed the true test of a free society, which is allowing a saucy sex-themed park to open to the public. Unfortunately, Chinese officials have decided to nix plans for the deliciously raunchy "Love Land" in Chongqing. From The Guardian (h/t Weird Asia News):

Developers billed the attraction in Chongqing as tasteful and socially beneficial. But senior officials conducted an emergency tour of Love Land last weekend after it attracted worldwide publicity, state media reported today.

"The investigation determined the park's content was vulgar and that it was neither healthy nor educational. It had had an evil influence on society and had to be torn down immediately," a municipal publicity official told the Global Times newspaper.

She added that the owners of the attraction were "interested only in profiting from sensationalism".

The decision to kill Love Land may have not had to do with moral outrage but rather economic growth, because the sex biz in nearby Thailand has been in trouble along with the rest of the tourist industry. Perhaps China will resort to alternate tourist attractions to bring in foreigner money like "Whack a Tibetan Monk Land" or the "Sell Your Kidneys Adventure Park".

Gov. Palin Continues Her Foray Into Serious Schnoozer Issues

Zzzzzzzz....

Have you been following the latest controversial outrage about how the Prez is giving a commencement speech at some university?!? Uh, me neither. But, just so you know, it has something to do with fetus-vacuuming and how pro-choice perverts are infesting our Catholic institutions. If you are anxious, Fox News has been covering it with as much frequency as a missing white girl in a tutu.

With loose nukes in Pakistan and a bullshit worldwide economy, it may be prudent to blow off the abortion issue in order of political importance between the color theme on Obama's Blackberry and who will be appointed Assistant Postmaster General. But, Sarah Palin comes out of hiding in Alaska with a zinger at Obama. From Boston Herald:

“My favorite grandpa, Clem James Sheeran, was Catholic. Irish to the core, his favorite place (other than church) was Notre Dame. I can’t imagine what he would think as the university recognizes someone who contradicts the core values of the Catholic faith by promoting an anti-life agenda. As we learned today, our nation is more pro-life than ever before; it is a very important time to strengthen the message that every baby is created for good purpose and has the potential to make this world a better place.”

She's really stressing those "conservative values" that wooed the religious right 30 years ago but have sent young people running for the hills ever since. This is after her knocked-up daughter suddenly became an abstinence advocate and she jumped on the anti-gay marriage bandwagon. Is this narrow-minded mentality of popping up with drive-by commentary on wedge issues capable of propelling the GOP to a win in 2012? The SarahPac website doesn't offer any specifics.

Maybe it's time to resurrect a Goldwater quote on the religious Right:

I'm frankly sick and tired of the political preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me?

Why Do New Yorkers Hate America?

This may be the low-hanging blog-fruit of the day, but with the exception of putting a bunch of barrels on the subway marked "Swine Flu", can you think of anything that would spook New Yorkers more than low flying planes? The White House is suffering some serious embarrassment today after a botched "Highway to the Danger Zone" photo-op involving one of the Air Force Ones in lower Manhattan. From WSJ:

On Monday morning, one of the 747s used to ferry around the president of the U.S. was dispatched to the Statue of Liberty, escorted by fighter jets. Assignment: Get some fresh glamour shots of the plane.

The Air Force said the flight needed to remain confidential. So while New York police knew about it, as did at least one person in the mayor's office, regular New Yorkers remained in the dark.

As a result, to onlookers Monday all across downtown Manhattan -- where the World Trade Center once stood -- the photo shoot looked like a terrorist attack. People watched in horror as a massive aircraft, trailed closely by F-16 fighters, banked and roared low over the city, in a frightening echo of the events of Sept. 11, 2001.

Fearing the worst, thousands of people streamed out of the skyscrapers and into the streets. Some buildings ordered evacuations.

The notification process seemed to have been completely lost in the black hole of bureaucracy, and the Mayor didn't even know about it (let alone your average New Yorker). Hot Air has some video footage of the chaos that ensued.

The President was forced to issue a hasty apology, and because of this numbskullery, the planned Obama as Jesus artwork set to go up in Union Square would probably be best delayed.

Havin' Fun Teabagging

Whee! It was a pretty rotten day in DC unless rainy, cold, and nowhere to go to the bathroom is your thing. But good times were had yukkin it up with TSO, Jonn Lilyea, Hooper, and 509th Bob at the DC Protest just outside the White House. There was supposed to be a truck full of tea bags or something but the permit process got all dorked up. No one said that limited government activists would be good at organizing these type of events.

It seemed like most of the people present today harbored similar sentiments regarding the catastrophic debt being incurred, the futility of bailouts, too much power in the Treasury Department, etc. But the problem with the legions of bitters like myself is that there aren't any leaders stepping up to the challenge of turning this grass roots phenomenon into political effect. Maybe I spent too much time in the military to appreciate a bottom-up organizational structure. Here's a couple of the displays I enjoyed plus links to sites with a lot more on the DC Protest:
Related to the burning question of this tax season: Will Geithner not fuck up his taxes this time around?

Wheelbarrow full of Pork

• Age of Hooper has good pics (including Code Pink trying to go incognito!)
• Jonn Lilyea has pics plus video of the hipster counter-protest
• Wonkette delivers the snark
• David Weigel captures the crazies you are bound to find at any protest
• JammieWearingFool has info on someone throwing tea-bags on the White House lawn which required an explosives team to check. That's productive!

The Twilight Phenomenon: Do We Need to Sedate Our High School Girls?

Not being a tweenaged girl, I admit to not having an extensive knowledge base about the highly acclaimed Twilight series. It apparently involves a very realistic tale about some handsome, neck-biting vampire who gets the hots for some dullard of a band geek. And most importantly in our purity-ring obsessed society, they don't bone! Needless to say, the book and movie has inspired endless YouTube tributes with horrendous indie-rock in the background, as well as some fan art that was most likely doodled during 3rd period Civics class.

But, it's not all fun and games as some of the kids "too cool" for Twilight have discovered. Ms. K sent me this io9 post involving flare guns:

Not with a gun but with a signaling rocket, today or yesterday actually (time zones) me and 3 friends (1 female 2 males) were talking about how much Twilight sucks ass and were bashing it. We were down by the fishing docks on the north strip of the island watching the fishermen unload their catch when apparently a twi-hard overheard us behind some shipping basins (for stowing fish). She apparently just got off her fathers boat, and had a whole bunch of equipment. Including a red Orion single shot/use hand-held rocket flare (you know those tubes that you are suppose to hit the bottom and the rocket flies out? anyways she overheard us talking and pulled out this flare, from her basket of stuff. The last thing I herd was the cap flying off the front. With a loud psshhh sound my friend yelped and dropped to the ground. The flre bounced off him and flew to the ground. We kicked the flare away, just then the parachute popped out and a bright red light nerly blinded all of us. Four fishermen ran over to help, one saw everything and restrained the twi-hard (who was kicking and screaming). My friends left arm was sizzling where the rocket moter had burned him (thankfully not the para-flare or it would have been much worse). One of the fishermen shoved all of us in his pickup truck and drove us to the local hospital where my friend is still unable to completely use his left arm. The girl is being held on $50,000 bail for attempted murder with a deadly weapon. We plan to go to court in a week with all of us as witnesses.

This type of nastiness is what happens when young people refuse to be accepting in the cold fate of reality and continue to be deluded by such idealizations of romance. Stephanie Meyer's next book should confront what usually happens to teens in such a lusty relationship. The woman ends up pushing around a baby carriage to her shift at the Dairy Queen while the man spends the money for the baby clothes' on a new spoiler for his 91 Accord. Why not further stamp out the so-called innocent teen years?

Quitting Smoking Japanese Style

It can't be over-emphasized how strange a place Japan is. More anti-smoking material is available at Weird Asia News.

Necrophilia with Dead Presidents

An artist from...wait for it...San Francisco has painted herself getting boned by a variety of dead presidents. The fellatio shot with Honest Abe was a real winner in my opinion. Here's how she describes her artwork which appeared at a Stanford student gallery a couple years back. From Justine Lai's bio:

I am interested in humanizing and demythologizing (sic) the Presidents by addressing their public legacies and private lives. The presidency itself is a seemingly immortal and impenetrable institution; by inserting myself in its timeline, I attempt to locate something intimate and mortal. I use this intimacy to subvert authority, but it demands that I make myself vulnerable along with the Presidents.

David Thompson called the young artist egomaniacal for such a lewd display, and her parents must be really proud they shelled out $30K+ per year in tuition at expensive Stanford. What is it with modern artists and their obsession with fucking the President (don't forget to see this other website entitled "44 Presidents Coming" for Grover Cleavland money shots). (h/t Gateway Pundit)

To Boldly Go Where No 33-Year Old Virgin Has Gone Before

In order to cash in on the latest Star Trek movie, some entrepreneurial geeks are marketing a fragrance to channel your inner Shatner. From Seattle Times:

John McGonigle, president of Genki, said the two men's colognes and one women's perfume will retail for about $30.

Soon, Trekkies will be able to channel their inner Starfleet commander — or inner William Shatner — with "Tiberius," based on Kirk's character. The scent which carries the tag line "Boldly Go," is described by Genki Wear as having a "warm vanilla, white musk and sandalwood" base.

They are also marketing a seperate fragrance called "Pon Farr", which is the once-every-7-year Vulcan mating ritual according to the Star Trek wiki entry on the subject. If a Trekker got laid once every 7 years, I'd say he'd be doing pretty well for himself, yuk yuk yuk.

Whore-Lovin' Husband, Gary Skoien, Beaten with Guitar Hero Ax

The Sheriff's Department of Cook County recently wanted to go after Craig's List in a misguided attempt to curb prostitution. Turns out they probably should have just looked in the former GOP Chairman's rumpus room to get two hookers off the street. From The Chicago Tribune:

The former chairman of the Cook County Republican Party denied Wednesday that he was with two prostitutes when his wife allegedly attacked him over the weekend.

Palatine Township GOP committeeman Gary Skoien said that two female friends were at his Inverness home around 1 a.m. Sunday when his wife assaulted him.

Eni Skoien became angry when she found that "Gary was downstairs in the children's playroom with two prostitutes," according to a report filed by a Barrington-Inverness police officer. She allegedly swung a toy guitar at her husband and punched him.

I can understand the wife getting upset at the hubby having "two female friends" over at 1am, but busting up a guitar hero controller?!? That might be the only worthwhile thing the kids can cling to as this media circus plays out.

Stoner Sport to be Funded Under Stimulus Package

Not to disparage the great game of Disc Golf or the great city of Austin, but does $880K of funds for a new course really need to be part of a federal stimulus package designed to jump-start the economy? The real porker part of the package is going to come when the states get dished out a bunch of cash to do "shovel ready" projects. From WSJ, a highlight of the more ridiculous examples:

These are among 18,750 projects listed in "Ready to Go," the U.S. Conference of Mayors' wish list for funding from the stimulus bill moving through Congress. The group asked cities and towns to suggest "shovel ready" projects for the report, which it gave to Congress and the Obama administration.

Although the bulk of proposals are roads, sewers and similar projects, some wouldn't require a shovel at all. The mayors group sees a potential 1.6 million new jobs from the projects, though a few of them wouldn't create any.

Some localities are using a kitchen-sink strategy. "Our approach has been to list everything, because we don't know what the final guidelines will be or what the final dollar amount will be," says Greg MacLean, public-works director in Lincoln, Neb.

Among entries on Lincoln's list is a $3 million environmentally friendly clubhouse for a municipal golf course. "From a public-perception standpoint, I see how it could be an issue," Mr. MacLean says. But, he says, construction would create 54 jobs.

Reason has a great article about how we are in an era of complete irresponsibility with the federal government vastly stepping outside its constitutional role to meddle in the economy. Saving money is now tantamount to sin, and wasting money like a frat-boy in Vegas is the new patriotism. At least we'll all be able to toke a doober and throw some frisbees around in the park Uncle Sam buys us.